Friday Fictioneers – Losers

Here’s my try for this week’s Friday Fictioneers. (This was a hard one, I thought.) The photo prompt is –

Losers

“It was a sure thing.”

“Nothing’s a sure thing.”

“Yeah. Except losing lots of money going after a sure thing.”

“Well, it’s over. Lock up and walk away.”

“Wait. See those bugs – our last customers. Just a minute.”

“What now? There’s nothing in there worth bothering with.”

“I bet there’s a little syrup from the drink machines. I’m going to open the drive-in window so they can fly in and help themselves.”

“Moths like that don’t have mouths. They can’t eat your old syrup.”

“So we’re all losers.” Pause. “I’m leaving it open anyway. Might be hungry ants, right?”

“You’re a total doofus. But thoughtful. I’ll give you that.”

25 responses to “Friday Fictioneers – Losers

  1. I liked this better than ‘Clerks’! Especially the bit about the sure thing. Quick patter is always fun to read. Thanks for stopping by, earlier,
    Kathy

    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/beauty-in-truth/

    • Thank you! There just wasn’t room for description in the 100 word limit, but I think it worked. Yours is nicely eerie…I was left wondering exactly how thoroughly she had escaped, merely from the current argument or right out of humanity.

  2. Lora Mitchell

    What a sensitive wait-staff to be concerned about the moths (& ants)… “…They can’t eat your old syrup…” But I bet they can sip or drink it. Wonder what the “sure thing” was where they lost lots of money? Nice take on the prompt. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    • Oh – the speakers aren’t wait-staff. The concept is that this Mickey D’s has gone out of business – the speakers are the franchise holders, who have lost their investment and are closing the place for the last time. As for the moths- I was curious about what kind they were (luna and polyphemus, it seems) and did some research. Apparently after they metamorphose into moths, they really don’t have mouths (the caterpillars do, of course) – all they can do is lay eggs and starve [shiver].

      But I like your camouflage-minded moths!

  3. That is really cool. My biggest fear is moths and butterflies and anything small that is likely to fly at me, but these ones are very beautiful.

  4. My first attempt was along similar lines, but I couldn’t make it work. You did, and beautifully. Well done.
    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/checkin-out-the-joint-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/

  5. Great read! You really created a nice opening with those first few lines. As soon as I read the 3rd line, I said to myself, “Ain’t that the truth!” –Here’s a link to my post for the week, hope you check it out: http://moniqueshante.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/friday-fictioneers-the-light-5-25-12/

  6. Hahaha the picture that opens up of a kitchen crawling thick with ants is hilarious! well done Sharon, oh and I love the word doofus 🙂

  7. A thoughtful doofus. Now that’s a character I’ll like to meet.

    Here’s mine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/05/25/mothballs/

    • Actually I think there are lots of them around – well-meaning, but impressively inept! That’s probably why the business failed…

      You have an interesting way of making the photo into a metaphor. Nicely written story!

  8. rochellewisoff

    I’ve certainly learned a lot about moths this week. ;). Fun story, Sharon. Keep at it. This 100 word thing really makes you think. Here’s mine at http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/05/rendezvous.html

  9. Well done! I enjoyed the quick back and forth between the guys. Very nice! Thanks for coming over to read mine. Here’s the link for any of your folks that are interested http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/25/friday-fictioneers-52512/

  10. Nice job. If I were a hungry moth, I hope someone would leave open the window for me.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/flash-fiction-friday-almost/

  11. Gee what a sweet little tale. How did you ever get that from the prompt? The tale of the kind hearted losers at Mc Donalds. Very good dialogue.
    Lindaura
    For those who haven’t stopped by yet, here I am:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    • Well, first I tried and tried and TRIED and failed to come up with an idea using the moths as characters (including researching what kind of moths they are, and believe me that didn’t help). Eventually I mentally pulled back to consider the rest of the picture. It seemed unusual for the drive-through window to be closed while it’s daylight, and I couldn’t see any activity beyond it. Then there was the mutilated sign – I assume that the real reason the owner’s name and address are (probably digitally) scribbled out is to protect his/her/their privacy, but it occurred to me that you could take it as damage done after the place went out of business.

      Once I had that for a situation, the dialog pretty much wrote itself.

      Glad you liked it! I enjoy the perspective shift you used in your story.

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