Friday Fictioneers – Finding the Gold

This week’s Friday Fictioneers! (The idea of Friday Fictioneers is to write a story about 100 words long based on the photo below. Try it!)

Finding the Gold

Me and Jack, we were just kids when we heard about gold at the end of the rainbow.

Well, one day there was this big storm. And after, there was the rainbow, big and beautiful like somebody painted it on the sky. We ran as hard as we could, and there it was. Pot of gold. And this guy next to it, digging in the ground. Jack ran ahead of me and grabbed onto it.

The guy stood up like he was unfolding. And he took hold of Jack.

And God forgive me, I turned tail and ran. All these years, and I can still hear Jack’s screams.

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45 responses to “Friday Fictioneers – Finding the Gold

  1. A giant leprachan? Yikes! Fun read, thanks for commenting on mine.

    • Well – giant from a small child’s point of view! (The first version of this one was 256 words long. It really, really hurt to cut pieces of it, like the explanation of how the narrator would probably consider him small now but he looked big then.)

  2. Michael Fishman

    I liked the description of the guy unfolding as he stood up and how the story went from happy/carefree to tragic in the short span of the 100 words.

    Mine is here:
    http://michaelsfishbowl.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/and-the-angels-sing/

  3. Oh my god, did she leave him? What a great introduction to a longer story perhaps πŸ™‚

    Thanks for your comment on mine at: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-god-plays-the-tom-toms/

  4. Something nasty this way comes… I’m finding mostly evil in the leprechaun department today…

    • Well, some stories say the Little People can be touchy and untrustworthy. (I think the kids might have been okay if they’d stuck with look-dont-touch, but that’s not how little boys are.) For whatever reason, that’s the direction my mind went with this one – maybe in contrast to the beautiful prompt photo.

  5. I love the voice, completely sucked me in. Great tale.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-luck-of-the/

    • Yours is nicely twisted! As for the voice – it’s not really mine, but I’ve known people who would talk like that. I suppose that’s where it comes from. Glad you like it!

  6. Ow, what a terrible twist. I would like to kow what happened to Jack. I can only guess. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-sinking-low/

  7. Poor Jack! It worked really nicely, despite the cuts. It packed a bitter punch.

    http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers/

    • Thank you! I admit it’s not a nice story (especially coming from such a pretty prompt!)

      I like the way you balance things you love with things you… don’t love nearly as much in yours – humor is always a good thing!

  8. beverleysmith36

    meany πŸ™‚

  9. I liked the way you wrote and told this from a child’s POV

  10. I like the ending – I can just hear the screams myself!

  11. Love the juxtaposition between the beginning and the end. Such a great story! Very nice! http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-2/

  12. I am so not running after a rainbow!!

  13. Holy Crap that was terrible. I will never look at St Patrick’s Day decorations the same way again. Thank you for the powerful share. Mine is over here: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-country-walk.html

    • Well, now, if the kids had been polite enough to offer him a bottle of Guinness, maybe things would have been different!

      As for yours…shiver! Sounds like bad things are going to happen.

  14. Omg! Just left him? Dude. What was the guy? He probably eats kids. I love the voice you told this in!

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/fields-of-wildflowers/

    • Well, the narrator’s about five (at the time of the pot of gold – adult when telling the story) and scared to death. Once s/he* got far enough away to feel a little safer, s/he probably went for help. I honestly don’t know what the guy did to Jack – and to me, that makes it worse.

      * While writing, I thought the narrator was male – but a couple of people seem to read it as female, and they might be right.

      I’m glad you like the voice!

      As for yours – you really put the reader through a lot of emotional ups and downs!

  15. I haven’t met you here before, but your moniker got me – the newpillowbook – as I have read all the Japanese diaries I could get my hands on. Anyway, just want to say, good on you – a charming tale – with a shocking twist, unexpected and kind of gruesome, too.
    Yours new fellow writer,
    Lindaura
    at http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    • Well, it’s only my second week of Friday fictioneering…so you haven’t had much chance to meet me here. I’m glad you liked (so to speak) my tale. πŸ™‚

      I like the way you manage to characterize not just one but two people in such a tiny space in your story.

      Pillow books are awesome, aren’t they?

  16. guilt is powerful, for sure.

  17. There’s some Roald Dahl or Shel Silverstein leaking through your childhood vision … how absolutely terrifying to find the veritable pot of gold, only to have some monster stand up and … UNFOLD! … before grabbing Jack and doing gosh knows what to him. Well told. Thanks for commenting on mine, but others might find it at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/05/rainbow-promises.html

    • Leaks of old original Grimm Brothers, I think – you know, the kind of story where the wicked stepmother has to dance in red hot iron shoes until she falls down dead. Thanks for the compliment.

      And I like yours – it’s just strange and disorienting enough to be fun.

  18. Hahaha poor Jack and what a horrid sibling he had!Excellent, I love he way you’ve run with this πŸ˜‰

  19. But…did he get the gold? Just kidding – poor kid, to have to live with that guilt. Great (and different) take on the picture this week!

    ~Susan

  20. NICE! Ha, I love this stuff! Fabulous job.

  21. Kathy McClure

    Ohhhhmygoodness I truly didn’t see that one coming. And in so few words, you’d think I’d be prepared. Props on the shock and awe.

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/after/#comment-210

    • Thank you! All things considered, I think the word limit works to my advantage here – the original version started by explaining that the kids’ parents were worried because “bad things were happening back then”, and I had to slash that part to end up with (almost) 100 words. But keeping that beginning would have left you prepared for the ending. Bwa-hahaha…. πŸ˜‰

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