Another week, another Friday Fictioneers, another photo prompt chosen by the one and only Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Let me know what you think of my story!
Explorers
“Stay out of the old barn,” Mom said. So did Grandma. Mostly it was empty except for Grandpa’s workshop. The farm was sold years ago – now it grew houses, so there were neighbor kids to play with when I stayed with Grandma.
Of course we loved to explore the barn. Ghost smells of hay and cows, stripes of sunlight filtering between the old boards. I don’t remember the floor breaking or Grandpa rushing out of his workshop and calling the ambulance.
I woke up with a sore leg. Mom looked scared. “You kids were in that barn,” she said.
“Am I gonna get punished?”
“I think you punished yourself enough. You’ll have that cast on at least a month.”
I do like it. You evoked the past and put a charming spin on it – creating a little fable all your own. Plus, you added some interesting descriptive twists, such as “Ghost smells of hay and cows” Good job.
I’m glad you like it! As for the description – I’ve been in old barns
No broken legs, though.
Ha!
Thanks!
Nicely written. this is the first i read with the consequences of playing in the barn.
Thanks! Of course, it’s important that it was a mostly abandoned barn and the floors were unsound.
Old barns, houses, and forbidden places hold some of the most cherished childhood memories.
Oh, yes – especially if you went there with friends
Nice realism.
Thank you.
I like this, Sharon: “Ghost smells of hay and cows, stripes of sunlight filtering between the old boards.” I also like the farm growing houses.
janet
Thank you! The description of the barn is just a memory of old farm buildings I’ve been in, long ago – but I’m kind of proud of the farm growing houses. Then again, that’s something I’ve seen, especially in my mother’s part of central Pennsylvania – I believe it happened here too, but long before I got to New Jersey.
ha – sounds like you have experience getting into trouble, you really nailed it at the end.
Trouble? Moi? (Bats eyelashes innocently)
Thanks!
good description..and an interesting write-up
Thank you.
haha if that were my mom, i’d be punished AND my leg would be in a cast. ^^ stubborn kid, so reminded me of me ^^ great story
Well – if I hadn’t cut the last few paragraphs of the original version (it was over 200 words to start with), we’d learn that the accident led to the barn getting torn down at last, and the narrator feels as if this was his real punishment. (Even though that’s not what the adults had in mind.)
A nice recollection of the way we were, always looking for trouble.
Or just doing things because they looked like fun and we didn’t have the sense to see they were dangerous!
Dear Sharon,
What a delightful piece. Some kids have to learn the hard way, don’t they? Perceptive grandmother to leave it at letting the child reap what she’d sown. Urbanization summed up with “now it grew houses.” Clever writing as I’ve come to expect from you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Rochelle, what delightful compliments! As for learning the hard way, I thought it was “all kids” or “most kids”, but then I raised a pair of very hardheaded boys.
I’m one up on you with three. The youngest being the biggest challenge of all.
This was lovely. You see we think that grown ups are telling us not to for one reason, but its really for a quite different one.
Thank you, Beverley! Yes – once I had children, I found myself telling them some of same things that I hated hearing from my own mother. But from the grown up point of view, surprise! All those warnings made perfect sense.
We never listened did we? Thought we knew it all. Absolutely loved the …now it grew houses. Perfect.
Dee
Oh, we sure did! After all we had five years or eight years or even eleven years of experience to draw on
– who needs more than that? And I’m glad you like the “growing houses” line – it’s one of my favorites.
My Mama always said, “If you can’t listen, you gotta feel.” Great lesson here.
Your Mama’s got a point! Thank you.
I like the line about the farm now growing houses. So true. Nice one.
A lot of good farmland has gone that way. Thank you.
Ghost smells of hat . . . Fab writing Sharon
Thank you so much, Gilly!
Always listen to your elders. Nice job.
Thank you. Now that I think about it, it’s a good thing Grandpa was in the barn to hear the commotion – who knows what might have happened otherwise?
Mothers do know best. And grandmothers may even know better. Still ends with kids knowing little.
Adieu, scribbler
Children – they’re so immature! Now, if they would just stop acting their age…
Adieu, scribbler
A lovely moral tale. ‘I don’t remember the floor breaking…’, such a great throwaway line resulting in so much more.
Thank you! I think part of the moral here is one of those self-enforcing ones, a little like the old joke about “186,000 miles a second: it’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!” (For those who aren’t physics geeks – 186,000 miles a second is the speed of light, and physicists say it’s impossible to go any faster no matter what you do. So it’s the speed limit of the universe.) Anyway – “Gravity: it’s not just a good idea…”
But one of the important things we all have to learn is that gravity doesn’t make exceptions, and that’s why the grownups tell us to be careful
I like the title! And the story.
Wow, I got both parts right for once! (I have trouble with titles.) Thank you.
When you don’t listen to the warnings you must pay for the consequences!
Yes – and sometimes the price is pretty high.